Big dreams. Small dreams.

I was inspired to blog this after reading Milky's entry. Yes... Indeed we have taken uncountable exams and tests. We have been competing with one another in the education system. It's all for just one piece of paper, but a precious one. Without this paper, we don't feel safe, in fact, we will feel lost. Sometimes, it's good to have small dreams rather than big ones. It's good to enjoy what you do. But really, this practical world that you and I live in do not permit us to do so. We have to compete and emerge. We need to have big dreams and we need to do something against our wish to be the BEST. I realise the importance and the meaning of "the strongest shall survive" back in primary school. Being streamed, or as a matter-of-factly, chose to opt into EM1 had made me realised the importance of getting good grades. I was one of the bottom few people in class. (In terms of grades) It was very stressful, I rememebered. If I got 92 marks for maths, there would be like half of the class getting 100 marks for it. If I got 80 plus marks, then perhaps that was the lowest in class. Yes, that bad. To make things worse, the form teacher of mine would reward those students with her special chuppa chup lollipops bought from Australia. These lollipops had bumblegum filled in it. As a child, I always envied those people. I had or very rarely gotten any of those from her. No matter how hard I tried, I could not get a full mark. I could only see those smart asses getting one lollipop after another. The only occasions I receieved those lollipops from her were when I won certain arts competitions or something related to arts which made her reward me. Other than that, I could only see my classmates receiving those rewards. She showed favouritism to students who excel academically and she particularly liked this guy who eventually became the top PSLE scorer in my primary school. Whatever shit he did, she would support him. We disliked him to the core. Not because he was doted, but he was just a pure irksome. At one point in time, she even changed her bait for us to do well. Anyone who scored A* for maths would be able to visit her house. She was filthy rich and she was always clad in gold. You know, as a child, we would be enticed by those rewards. As usual, my fellow classmates just went to her house one after another and until the end of the year, I still had no idea how her house looked like. So sad, right? Eventually, we were all invited to her house after PSLE. And I guessed it did not make anymore significance to me. Everyone got to go to her house. It was this "I can go and you can't" mentality that made it so enticing before that, I guessed. Well, her house was just a normal condominium unit which did not really impress me as I had imagined a huge mension.

It's one year after I ORD. A date that will always be on my mind. Enlisted 21st Jan 2003, ORD 20th March 2005. I did not have big big dreams when I stepped into BMT. Never had going to OCS or even SISPEC crossed my mind. Well, clerk and storeman did. My friends were all discussing about OCS and guardsman and what not, as if so afraid that they can't make it in. Well, I was thinking of the latter. I had people telling me how unambitious and how slack I was. Despite that, I just brushed it off. I did not realise the important of rank until further on in my army life. I felt so naive. Rank really makes the army world goes round. My thinking was so simple at the start. I thought army it's just about serving and fuck off. But I was wrong. There were many things and choices you could choose to make the process of your service a much prestigious one. Although I would not say I regretted my decision, I could only say if I were given another chance, perhaps I would go for prestige rather than for slackness. Upon mentioning my unit, 3rd Transport, people will go OH... but if you mention OCS lah whatever officer lah, people will tend to go WOW. This is a practical world I must repeat myself. I did not get any slackness, although I yearned for it right from the start. In fact, I thought I learnt a lot from my vocation as a STO. A vocation that not many people know and a vocation that not many people have. It may not be prestigious but the experience and the camaraderie were invaluables and I dare to say that anyone in OCS or SISPEC would never be able to obtain and never will they understand. I never knew I could be operating on a crane high up in the sky lifting vehicles off the wharf one day. I had never dreamt of handling with so many different kinds of vehicles. I had never dreamt of making my OC run round the training ground as a punishment. ( Well, he chose this over to being knock down) I had many fulfilling experience overseas, one of which East Timor. I believe even if I blogged until the next morning, I will not be able to finish. This chapter of my life will never be forgotten. The hardship, the injustice and the suffering were in a way I have chosen since the day I have gave up on going to OCS and SISPEC. But in exchange for the fond memory, the close buddies and the rich experience, I have no regrets.

So, Milky, think about it.

人因梦想而伟大。
简单在平凡中, 也可能变成伟大。